Babies!

It took me a while to update this blog. I'm on the week 6 of pregnancy with the typical 1st trimester symptoms. I am spending a lot of time resting and motivating myself to do something useful. My 1st ultrasound was on Tuesday (10/19), and I saw my babies. Yes, two of them with tiny heart beats! The doctor said everything was normal. The babies had slow heart rates (baby A 68; baby B 108), which worried me, but Dr T said it was quite normal to be this slow. These tiny hearts probably just started beating this week. My second ultrasound is scheduled for Nov 1. I should be discharged from Dr. T's care and move to a regular OB after that. I'm nervous and excited at the same time... It's like graduation. Graduating from the fertility treatment.

A quiet week

Nothing special is happening this week. I am back to my normal work schedule. No doctors appointment this week either. I'm still having a hard time thinking that I am actually pregnant. There were some opportunities today to declare myself as pregnant (to get special flu shot & to get a special radiation monitor badge) and it felt good. I still worry about possible miscarriage. I decided not to go to those pregnancy websites because I don't want to read about other people's stories of losing babies. It makes me too anxious. The only thing I can do at this time is to stay positive and take care of myself. I've been eating very well and sleeping reasonably well too. I think I should re-start some meditation/guided imagery exercises to cope with anxiety. My 1st ultrasound is scheduled for next Tuesday. I'll know how my baby(ies) is/are doing then.

To do list

• Schedule the 1st ultrasound (10/18) at Dr. T's office - check
• Have my Midwife friend figure out the due date (6/13/2011) - check
• Order pregnancy books from amazon (along with Kindle so that I can carry them around everywhere) - check
• Book the first OB appointment in Nov - check
• Set up nutrition counseling with a dietitian (work benefit and free!) - check
• Schedule a meeting with the radiation safety officer at work to declare pregnancy - check
• Calm down my husband who just realized that the baby would be here in 8 months - check

I'm having too much fun...

Definitely yes

My second beta hCG was 594! I am definitely pregnant - just like how my nurse Jocelyn said yesterday. Still feeling unreal though. I went to a bookstore to buy some pregnancy books today. I have a lot to learn. It is my next project.

Feeling positive

I did it and it was (of course) positive!

My magic number

After the long sleepless day (due to anxiety), my husband got home from work. We finally listened to the voicemail left by my nurse together. According to her, I am "definitely pregnant" (!) My beta hCG was 241 which is pretty high at this stage of pregnancy. I hope it means good. I don't know too much about hCG levels but I know it needs to double every few days. That means when I go back to my doctor's office for more blood draw tomorrow, the level has to go up to 400s. I hope it will. I just can't believe that I am actually pregnant. PREGNANT. Now, I know the risk of miscarriage is higher in IVF babies, so I need to be "cautiously optimistic..." well as much as I can. But for now, I am enjoying this moment. I am actually going to take a home pregnancy test. I know it's not necessary, but I have seen too many negative results during the past 14 months since we started trying. I want to see the beautiful two lines on the test. Finally.

This is the info about hCG if you are curious:
http://www.americanpregnancy.org/duringpregnancy/hcglevels.html

Patience, patience, patience

The lab processed the hCH beta test (ie pregnancy test) really fast. The result was available by noon today after my 9am blood test. This was not expected. I had to decide how to find out the result. Well, to summarize I haven't found out. I still want to find out the result when I am with my husband. I need much support if it is not a good result. Even if it is a good news, I want to share the moment with my husband. I asked my nurse to wait to give me a call until tomorrow. I'll have her leave a voice mail as I planned before so that my husband and I can listen to it together in the evening. I'm happy with the decision, but that means I have to wait for another day while the result is already out. I am surprised how much patience I have. I wish I am not working tonight so that I can find it out tonight, but I guess my patients need me. I have a feeling that it is a good news though. When my nurse got the result, she emailed me back to be sure that I don't want to hear the result today. I don't think she would send the email if the result is negative. I think she wants to share the news soon. That's my optimistic guess. I hope I am right.

PUPO (Pregnant until proven otherwise)

I worked a lot last week. I know that I am not supposed to stress my body. But at the same time, I took some time off in Sept when I was on the stimulation meds and I had to start working sometime. Work has been okay. Not much stress luckily. And maybe it is good to be busy because I am currently in the waiting stage. I am continuing with medications such as progestrone, folic acid, and prenatal vitamins, but nothing was really going on last week except for waiting for the big pregnancy test on 10/4 (tomorrow). When I was not busy at work, my mood was swinging all the time. I felt very optimistic in one moment and very pessimistic in the next moment. It is hard not to know. But the truth is that this is closest I have been to being pregnant. I will try my best to enjoy every moment of it. I've already decided that I will not take a home pregnancy test before the blood draw tomorrow. Also, I am not going to find out the blood result tomorrow. I have to work tomorrow night even if I don't get the positive result. I don't know if I am capable of working if I hear a bad news. So I decided not to find out the result until later. I am going to a lab which has a slow processing time. It will take 24-48hr to process a pregnancy test there so I don't get the result until Tuesday the earliest. Until then, I am treating myself as pregnant. PREGNANT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE.

I actually woke up very anxious today. I decided to take a long walk to help my mood. During the walk, I passed a playground. I "saw" our child playing there. I know it was just an imagination, but I saw her face (it was a girl). And I swear I felt a light sensation in my belly. I know it is NOT possible to feel anything at this point even if I am pregnant, but I did. I believed it was a sign that I am in fact pregnant. It took away the anxiety completely. I have to thank my child for this. She wants to me to stay positive, and I will.